Write a paragraph about something that amazed or amazes you. Use diction, detail, imagery, and syntax to convey your sense of wonder. Comment on the effects and/or effectiveness of a classmate's blog post. Due by Friday, November 6th. (Also, answer the poll on the right.)
It jumped. With so much flexibility and elegance. Delicacy, was the word. I could repeat its movement endlessly in my head. The legs stretching, the body rising in the air, the circle it drew, the gentleness with which it landed. So graceful, had it been. Though I saw cats every day, dwadling in the streets, looking for food, I had never considered them as delicate, and I was now fascinated. A ballerina sofltly dancing to Mendelsohn was nothing compared to a cat springing in the air. How could she ?
ReplyDeleteI love the way the cat first appears as something sudden and wild in your first short sentence. Then you manages to create this impression of a cat dancing and jumping on your words as the paragraph goes along thanks to the rhythm and punctuation. It totally changes our vision of it, also the adjectives and the metaphor really help us picture the cat as graceful and smart person, we clearly get the idea that the cat has, in his movements, something magical and dazzling that you can't help but watch! The imagery of the circle and endless movements give the impression of an infinite dance move by the cat which I find really amazing too.
DeleteI really like the fact that you chose to describe a cat. Indeed, as you say at the end of the passage, we see cats everyday and they do not seem to be particularly amazing. However, your description turns the cats movement into something rather extraordinary and fascinating, and gives us another vision of this animal.You have also managed to create suspense by not revealing from the start that you are describing a cat's movement which captivates the readers attention.
DeleteThe city was totally lighted up. A rainbow of glitters set the atmosphere in the cheerfulness and warmth of Christmas spirit. People in the streets, on the malls moving staircases, in the hotels halls swung their bags. Everything seemed so lively around her. She raised her head and saw the endless climbing skyscraper. She had never seen something similar before, neither had she known such a feeling for a very long time. Revival. In the middle of the excited motion, she remained standing, watching life. Then, she closed her eyes and let the feeling of welfare delicately enter her body. It felt like safety.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy how you conveyed the feeling of amazement one can feel whilst discovering the pretty Christmas lights in the city. You really stressed the inner feeling it creates, the euphoria that invades us when all these lights burst around us. In your paragraph, the idea of joy, warmth and play of light can really be felt through the lexical field of joy and through a very positive, reassuring imagery. I also like how you associated the very setting of the city to this play of light. It makes it even more impressive to be set in a giant city, filled with people & skyscrapers, as the euphoria contrasts with the buildings and the girl standing still. One can really relate to your extract, as it is a feeling that has been felt by most people. However you managed to make it almost new, while reading your passage I could really feel the excitment of the first time one observes these lights piercing the night in the city.
DeleteI really like your paragraph and the way you show how your character is amazed by the Christmas spirit that surrounds her. We get the image of your character being this little person all rapt in the middle of all those lights, the crowd, the buildings… I like the way you used the visual imagery that perfetly matches with the impression of light everywhere so we can easily picture in our minds a city full of garlands. You effectively used the negation that makes us understand how vital this feeling is for the character. It is interesting to see how the character stands out of the despcrition ans she is the only one immobile whereas there are real flows of people around her, which makes her even more special. Finally, I liked the way that the feeling of amazement gives the impression of taki possesion of her whole body, asif she was empty until then and it filled her up.
DeleteThey went walking side by side in the streets. The fresh air was a relief after the sultry atmosphere of the bar.
ReplyDeleteHe loved the nightlights. It always had fascinated him. The city, spread out in front of them, seemed like a cloud of sparks. The colorful fireflies' lights were reflected on the panels of polished glass of the big buildings, like glowing roots of some crystal trees. Everything found sense in this chaotic prodigy of mankind, each thing had its place and its ability to shine on other things. The anthill's heart, fluttering with light, was now in the middle of a dream-like mist, diluting the colours of the streets. Above the glowing trees, the full ascending moon, began her magnificent reign over the city, and the dusk crowned their dream with a delicate shade of mystery.
The extended description of the lights surrounding the two characters really gives a positive feeling to the description and an idea of concentration of the narrator on this sight that amazes him. The liveliness of the show, given by the movement depicted here conveys effectively the idea of light reflection on glass moving and shivering along the viewer's walk. I really like the fact that you set it in a normal urban decor with urban lights that I find particularly appealing. Moreover the "reign" of the moon over the city gives an interesting power to nature over man and gives it an unhuman magnificence you clearly stated. I really enjoyed it.
DeleteAs we exited the toasty atmosphere of the restaurant and walked out into the snowstorm, I raised my head and gasped. The deep velevet sky appeared to have a rhinestone-plated coat on: The full moon and it's star friends lit up the scene and carried us into a winter wonderland. Snowflakes were flying in all directions and coated everything, even the people, with what looked like a delicate layer of sugar. The color of innocence was everywhere, even in the craziest people's eyes.
ReplyDeleteI smiled and put my hands out to catch even the smallest specks of winter dust. The warm happiness inside me seemed to numb the cold feeling creeping up from my extremities to my core.
Your paragraph, through the use of a proper diction, conveys a child-like, innocent feeling. The imagery, the personifications and the comparison give a dreamy, magical, supernatural touch to that pretty much realistic scene. The last sentence wins the reader over with the opposition in the temperature, the bodily response to this outburst of tenderness and happiness the scene triggers. The reader identifies with the speaker : it feels just like Christmas time and the urge to warm yourself up with a cup of hot chocolate is suddenly felt, thus making the paragraph quite effective :D
DeleteAs I looked up, my eyes uncovered another world. Yesterday's dense mist had kept me from truly appreciating the magnificence of this pastel city. Colossal palates, warmly wrapped up in their delicate white coat, softly embraced the frozen Neva. The pearly night sky was silently guarding the legacy of the Russian tsars and their family. Suddenly a big bowl of light spiked the peaceful night. Followed by one, ten, fifty and soon hundreds of other glowing lanterns. Around me, people were lighting up a parade of flames. My heart exploded, amazed by the unique dance of the candles fluttering in the air. A thousand lanterns joined the golden arrows of the cathedrals to create a ballet of resplendent light, celebrating the birth of an eagerly awaited new year.
ReplyDeleteI found your paragraph very effective! The way you described the scene is beautiful, and by the time I read "My heart exploded" so did mine. I find that you reach this climax very well, how you first describe the setting and then create a suspense with the gradation "Followed by one, ten, fifty, and soon hundreds of glowing lanterns". Your parade of flames is beautifully written, and I love how you translated the grace of it all by comparing it with a ballet. I find myself really wanting to spend New Year's in Russia now! :)
DeleteThe passage you wrote felt like the description of a real show. With the use of gradation I could really feel that the speaker was overwhelmed by so much vivacity and brightfulness. Moreover, the lexical field of light and greatness really amazes the reader as much as the one enjoying the scene that also seems to be in motion. You used lots of imagery, appealing to the senses of the reader, conveying what the speaker felt and saw at this precise moment: "delicate", "looked up", "my heart exploded", "frozen". I love reading what you wrote, feeling happy and excited for the speaker who is apparently living something literally spectacular.
DeleteI pushed the body in the grave and felt lucid for one second : it wasn't fear anymore. I was driven by an exhilarating adrenaline. I was… awe-struck by the feeling killing a human being brings. The use of violence is way much more appealing and so much more mighty than I ever thought it would be. Knowing that I had the power to make use of violence was frightening ; knowing that I had the desire to make use of violence was fascinating. Awe. Yearning for the experience, the drive it brought was awesome. Realizing with horror the act of murder was a source of deep and peculiar pleasure and enticement was amazing. I couldn't help but smile. I had killed someone and had become a monster. I had smashed someone's skull, I had dug his grave, I had done all that and turned myself into a monster. Man becomes a monster when he forgets that the most important is humanity. A monster, a monster like Autumn, the Grim Reaper, is devoid of fear and remorse.
ReplyDeleteAnd in this moment, I was empowered by the fact that… I wasn't scared of death anymore, I wasn't able to hope for peace anymore, nor was I able to wish for a heavenly after-life. Killing made the fear, the fear of humanity's frailty, the fear of human weaknesses, the fear vanish. I became a powerful monster.
First of all, it is really funny that you keep on writing the same story, and I am waiting forward to read the following passages. But what's most important i the way you write it : let's see... The long sentences create a lot of suspens and you really succeed in frightening the reader. The repetition of the word "monster" is very effective : it is now the only way I can describe your character. However, the way you use it to show how the murderer feels is way more interesting because we realize that he knows himself he is a monster, and likes it, which makes him even more of a monster !
DeleteThen, the shift creates a sort of more spiritual questioning : fear of death. And the way your sentences are put together makes us agree with you : it feels as if you were the murderer and had understood the mystery of death yourself, which I find very impresive
Same as Caroline I really enjoy how each of your paragraphs add up and I am pretty sure by the end of the year you will be able to publish a great book with all of them! I find it interesting how you bring us into the narrator's mind in order to makes us understand how it feels to kill. The repetition of "I had" conveys how the murderer is aware of all he has done and is amazed by it. Indeed the amazment is very well explored as you talked about "adrenaline", of which we all know the feeling and thus can relate to, how the character is "awe-struck" and "appeal[ed]" by this frightening realization that he has ended someone's life, purposely. Finally your use of long sentences rendering the amazement of the character at the feelings within him adds up to one short and ominous sentence "I became a powerful monster." Well done!
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ReplyDeleteWe lay there in silence, side by side and looked up towards the sky. There were so many stars, lighting up the night. We could see all kinds of constallations, of figures by joining up the tiny dots spread across the black background. It was incredible to think how far away they were from us, actually it was nearly imposible to imagine how we could still see their bright light at such a distance. Suddenly a feeling of fright ran through my body. The solar system, the sun, the earth, the oceans, the countries, the cities, the 7billion individual son earth felt so small compared to the immensity of the sky. I saw a shooting star rushing through sky, it lasted a split second. I then realized that on the scale of the universe our passage on earth lasted no longer that the passage of a shooting star through the night sky.
I find that you really managed to convey a sense of wonder and amazement. The narrator appears so overwhelmed by the immensity of the universe. The description and details are extremely vivid and we are straight away pulled into the story and brought to reflect on this matter with the narrator. We can therefore identify with their sense of fright and it is reinforced by your interesting use of diction. I like it :)
DeleteI really like your description, first of all because I can identify myself in this kind of reflexion, and also because I find it pretty effective: it conveys a universal feeling.You used many literary techniques such as accumulations, comparisons, imagery (sound, sight, touch...). You did a good job on detail, imagery and diction. You could have done a bit more on syntax with maybe a very short sentence. We can really understand the amazement of the speaker and it is even communicated to the reader!
DeleteI like the fact that the view on the stars in the sky leads you to something else. We follow your thoughts and I find it very poetic. I was surprised because in the first sentence I though you were going to talk about love or a special relationship with the person next to you but the stars were the main focus. I also found the comparison between you and a shooting star. This ambiance is totally focused on the night sky and the stars and we almost feel like this weird impression when you are in a dream and feel like you are directly into the sky... I like that. I think anybody who reads your description would be amazed by the immensity of the sky and the universe too ! :)
DeleteThe human nature always fascinated me.
ReplyDeleteThere is this strange fact about it ; people are able to get together, lose each other and then become close again. A feeling, that's what it is. However no one has been able to find realistic reasons for this, there is no proof, no theory. It comes from a place that hasn't been entirely explored yet. The inside of you is like the abyss, most of it remains unknown. Explorers are trying to discover new elements in this area. Still, it is an excessively dark place in which you find unexpected things. Things that were hidden for a very long time. Humans are able to hide things from science.
First of all, the theme you chose is very interesting. Indeed, "human nature" is a fascinating subject that often let scientists perplex. I enjoyed the fact that your text starts with an alliteration (“people are able”). It hints the idea the cycle of friendship present in the next sentence. You managed well to emphasise the word “feeling” by placing it at the beginning of a short sentence right after a long one and the words “proof” and “theory” by using the repetition of the word “no”. Moreover, I love the extended metaphor of “the abyss” that is not yet “entirely explored” and that “most of it remains unknown”. I also enjoy when you called the scientists, “”explorers” an the idea that people and life are full of surprises, as it is shown in “it is an excessively dark place in which you find unexpected things”. You ended surprised me as the sentence “Humans are able to hide things from science” gives us the idea that we don’t want to be completely understandable in order to keep the pleasure of life.
DeleteWell done !!!
From all the comments, this one in particular caught my attention. The theme you chose is indeed very captivating, as human nature is something that nobody can really completely understand. The structure and syntax you used draw the reader's attention quite effectively, as you state your theme in the very first sentence. You then describe one of its aspect, detailing in only to give the accurate name after, which keeps the reader interested since the rhythm changes. Furthermore, the last sentence is striking and really made me wonder about the different meanings it could have : "Humans are able to hide things from science." I find it very powerful, as science was created by humans themselves. It is supposed to be a tool for us to understand the world surrounding us, yet we are not even capable of understanding ourselves.
DeleteWe really get the feeling that human nature amazes you, as you're trying to decipher it throughout the text. This paragraph truly was one of my favorites from all the voice lessons we've done so far. Good job :)
Times Square isn't as big as it seems; not when you're on Hollywood Boulevard.
ReplyDeleteThere's something fascinating about how the dazzling lights on the theater marquees seem to shine even brighter than the stars above your head, and how you're entranced by all of the famous names on the stars beneath your feet.
Marilyn Monroe, Mickey Rooney, Fred Astaire, Rudolph Valentino, Jean Harlow.
Names follow names follow names. Most of the greatest are gone, but they immortalized themselves on this very Walk of Fame.
By the Chinese Theater there's a Michael Jackson look-alike imitating the bygone singer's steps. Marilyn Monroe poses with a Starbucks cup in her hand, and if you take a picture with her the smell of brewed coffee and cigarettes will embrace you.
There's also Hollywood and Highland, the great shopping mall full of designer boutiques and fancy restaurants, but that's not the best part about it. When you walk up three stories and place yourself in the middle of the platform, you have a full view on Hollywood. A few miles away, you can clearly see the sign, and your heart is filled with joy. The sort of joy that makes a tear or two roll down your cheek.
At night, the air smells like summer and palm trees and the fake Lone Rangers and Tontos make you feel at home, as though you were surrounded by people you know. By family.
And that's the best part about Hollywood Boulevard. When you're standing in the middle of a bustling crowd, and you hear them exclaim in awe how beautiful everything is, and you're enwrapped by the night and the neon lights, the famous names and the occasional "Picture for a dollar", the stars up above and under your feet, the sign far away but closer than ever before...
Hollywood Boulevard is a dream in real life, where the stars have all been and everyone can trace on their immortalized footsteps.
Have you ever looked at the sky at night, when light is not wanted and when darkness is the only emptiness surrounding you?
ReplyDeleteThat is when you remember you used to think the stars were bright yellow dots, which were only meant to be drawn as a beautiful present for your mummy or daddy. Not anymore. Today, they are massive sources of light made of plasma held together by their own gravity. It kind of makes you look at the sky quite differently! So right now, even if you are cold, even if you can hear your mum calling you from afar to come home, please, stop and stare at the sky for a minute: enjoy the show.
Blue-grey-strength. It was it. The agitated sea was majestic, powerful. Water had already taken away a fishing cabin which was now totally submitted to the will of the strong currents. High waves harassed the wall designed to protect the land from the sterilizing and destructive salty water. People felt save up the rampart but often one went away, soaking, assaulted by a greater wave who climbed all the way up to find her target. The sea spread beyond the horizon where it melted with the grey sky, thus forming a huge block in front of the sea side. The two elements, united in a threatening alliance, were alarming, but the beauty of it made it impossible to resist. We were captivated, fascinated: charmed. Only sight counted. Cold, rain, wind, motors, chatting faded away, erased by the internal peace granted by this plain show.
ReplyDeleteI entered in the museum room. The place was dark, almost cavernous and we felt in there like deep into the darkness of a nightmarish dream. We could only see some flashing lights coming from the floor to light up only the dresses exposed on the models. It seems pretty much like a parallel planet on which nothing else exists than dresses. In the previous room I had seen a lot of dresses. Colored ones, black ones, short ones, long ones… I though my eyes couldn’t be more fully amazed than they already were. I though I had seen the most of it. I though I had reached the ten out of ten on the beauty scale. But i was wrong. My eyes fell on another dress. One in a corner. One I had not seen yet. And one nobody was looking at . I came closer, and closer, and closer. And the closer I got, not only my eyes, but my head and my entire body fell. I don’t know where or how, but I felt my entire body falling. I was obsessed , attracted , fascinated. Fascinated by the fall of the silk on the shoulders and on the back, by the delicate slit on the right side which offers a glimpse of the leg , the pleats of the dress which gives an impression of infinity when your eyes chase them from the waist to the feet and by the indescriptible deep-bloody-hot-sweet-red of the dress. How it was light and heavy at the same time. From that moment, when I got back to the real world, I knew. I knew, that was what I wanted to do of my life.
ReplyDeleteI found your paragraph very effective. Indeed there are many anaphoras and enumerations to accentuate your feeling of awe. I also find it interesting in the way you structured your paragraph. I seems like you were building up the suspense. This makes us understand just how amazing this dress must be. When we finally get the description of the dress in the end, it is in a long single sentence. It gives us a feeling that the beauty of the dress literally takes your breath away. What also struck me was the color of the dress. You said it yourself, it is "indescriptible". Yet just after that you say it is "deep-bloody-hot-sweet-red". It seems as if you were unable to find one fitting adjective for the dress. Perhaps this was also to illustrate your amazement because you were lost in words.
DeleteI had never seen eyes like these ones. As dark as an ocean under the tempest they were. How easily I could have drown in the immensity of that gaze ! I possesed nothing, nothing but those two sapphires sparkling in the night, glittering of all their facets. Burning with passion and dazzling like immaculate ice. That look was intense, captivating, piercing, as if you were the most important thing these eyes were seeing. They were full of tenderness, the kind of tenderness that covers you from head to feet, wrap you in the sweet impression of being important to someone, even if it was only a glimpse. The eyes gave me nothing more than the warm feeling of sheer bliss each time they landed on me.
ReplyDeleteI have always been amazed by tall people. Like colossal pillars they roam the world and look down on the ant-like men. Being quite short, I have often had the privilege to admire these giants who tower above us, the dwarfish common mortals. I wonder what the world looks like from up there. How does it feel to be so close to the sun? How does it feel to touch the sky? How does it feel to hear the chirping of birds so close to your ears? Alas I shall never know... Tall people belong to their own world. A world perched in the clouds. And I shall regrettably never be a part of it. How simple life must seem! I too, would love to reach the top shelves in supermarkets. I too, would love to overlook crowds and have no trouble seeing when I sit in the back. And there is no point in cheating by wearing heals. I shall never come close to these gargantuan titans.
ReplyDeleteI saved your text on my laptop! I loved your work, I can totally relate but I never "admired" tall people to be honest I never thought of them as a source of amazement. I was surprised by the choice you made but I really enjoyed it and I felt a lot of irony especially during the narrator's questionning and then during his resignation. The repetition of "I shall never " and" I too " mark the funny opposition between what the narrator could do if only he or she could be tall and what she is actully going to stick to. The amazement is very well conveyed. I liked it very much !
DeleteI’m sure this is what I missed the most during all those years spent in confinement. Symbol of Freedom. Of Independence. It may not look like much to you however, it is only once we are bereft of it that we become aware of its significance. How could I ever forget its floral-carved coppery handle, the delicacy of the red Mahogany ‘s panel? The sonorous sound of the hinges, matching admirably with muffled music of the bottom rail brushing against the carpeting? In my thoughts, forever it will stay. Remember. Remember that what seems trivial today can become essential tomorrow. In my thoughts, forever it will stay. After all these year spent in confinement
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your paragraph, you managed to turn something rather mundane into something amazing. I also like the fact that at the same time you managed to talk about the idea of only wanting what we don't have, only realising we needed or wanted something when we no longer have it. I find the symmetry: 'all those years spent in confinement' very interesting, as in a way it begins and ends your paragraph, almost surrounding it; maybe even confining it? Finally I thought your anaphora with the 'In my thoughts, forever it will stay' very interesting too, as it really put emphasis on the importance of a simple door.
DeleteI gazed up at the awe-inspiring monument. It seemed to gaze back down imperiously at me; glowing like fire in the late afternoon sun, (which happened to be also sending heat pouring down on us). I batted away a few flies flitting around my face, and continued observing the immense rock – feeling like a fly myself compared to its grandeur. 40000 years of sacred history for the indigenous tribes – enough to make anyone feel small. It seemed so isolated – out there in the middle of the outback; a small number of gum trees and some lonely patches of scrubland it’s only companions in the empty and forbidding desert. The desert itself was mirroring the colour of the rock: a brilliant carnelian hue. Above my head, the sun was gradually setting, and while at that moment this did nothing to change the oppressive atmosphere, the dominating rock was slowly – almost imperceptibly – changing colour.
ReplyDeleteIt's almost unrealistic how small you feel when you are standing in the middle of the world's most famous square. The feeling you get through your body is a kind of overwhelming adrenaline rush that only grows as you watch the flood of people invading Times Square just like a colourful wave.The whole place was bathed in electric light coming from the multiple commercial adds. Everywhere you looked there was something new to discover, on one side Mickey Mouse was happily running around and taking picture with the joyful crowd and on the other a talented artist was trying to convey the neon-like atmosphere on an easel. The Square seemed to have selfishly stolen all the lights that ever exited on earth to keep them. I stood there for a moment , watching the impressive show that was being performed.
ReplyDeleteMeïssen HINDI
By their hands guided, anything can be possible. From the child to the elderly, streaks of pens allow anyone to bend, depict reality and shape it as they wish. How wonderful drawing can be allowing to freeze time on a sheet of paper, playing with sun adding light and shade in your choosing.
ReplyDeleteSketching the world as our own. Carrying it in our fingers.
The easiness with which a mistake is erased. Few stokes of eraser and a snow white blanket is laid out before you. An intact sheet of paper has flourished. Let your pen softly sing against the paper bringing about the bloom of sketches, colours, lines, dashes and strokes all together. As they bud in the spring of your imagination, a whole new world is waiting for you.
Fascination for such men is in our veins. We can but stay awe-struck in front of their courage, the strength of their will and their determination. Julius Caesar, crossing the Rubicon and casting the die of destiny, inspired mankind for millennia ; Napoleon Bonaparte, reversing a revolution and conquering Europe in a mere decade, still lights sparkles in passionate eyes. What do these men have in common, why do we praise them despite the horrors they are accountable for? Caesar slaughtered Gallic tribes and Napoleon turned whole lands to ash and dust. Yet, we do respect them. We respect them in the very same way their contemporaries supported them centuries ago : for their greatness, this unexplainable quality that enables men to lead others with an almost divine authority. Filled up with a superior doom, their place in the universe is bigger than the other men's ; their task is to bring peoples higher and to alter the world by shaking up ancient orders. But just as Achilles in the Iliad, this preponderance on Earth does have a price: a shortened life, ended by savage murder or exile. Geniuses are always victims of human jealousy. Our own desire of greatness, inherent to human nature, having been deceived in the past century by totalitarian systems such as fascism, nazism or the Soviet regime, we marvel at former heroes now part of history, who taught the world what true greatness was like.
ReplyDeleteShe walked on stage and instantly took my breath away. It wasn't even because of her perfectly shaped face or her seemingly never-ending legs that carried her smoothly across the floor. It was what she was radiating. Her magnificence. Her energy. She had this aura that was impossible to ignore and I was so attracted that I couldn't speak. I couldn't look away. Not even blink. She was undoubtedly the most charismatic person I've ever laid my eyes on. Her head turned, slowly, until she faced the audience. Forest green eyes like two emeralds, and porcelain skin. She was the center of my attention, even standing still. After a second, she started to move, and oh! was she mesmerizing. Alone on stage, she didn't need anything else. She was marvelous on her own. Performing the most complicated moves and making it look like it was the easiest thing. She was one of a kind. Hypnotic. Electric. Magnetic. She controlled the atmosphere and all I was able to do was sit in awe, captivated to the bone as she danced ; off in her own world.
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