"Her face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like bone."
Substitute a noun for bone that changes the meaning and feeling of the sentence. React to a classmate's substitution, commenting on how it changes the sentence's connotation and impact.
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ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like fangs.
ReplyDeleteI like the fact that you changed bone to fangs because even though it still is a part of the body, the meaning of the sentence is totally different. On one hand the noun bone conveys the idea of death and creates a monotonous atmosphere. On the other hand, fangs is a vivid image that first made me think of an animal or a Vampire. I think it is interesting that both "bone" and "fangs" are related to a morbid atmosphere.
DeleteI found your choice of the word "fang" interesting too but for slightly different reasons. Indeed I feel "fangs" conveys a threatening atmosphere upon the portrait as if the narrator was warning us, or reminding us, that the girl described has a dangerous weapon and she could use it at any time. Also the supernatural nature of fangs (being borne by vampires as Marianne pointed out) corresponds well to the paranormal but very powerful glow ("white and sharp") that seems to emanate from her. I feel this is a hint given by the narrator to the reader a he lifts a corner of the veil of mystery and secret that shrouds secret the women in question. As a whole your sentence manages to make the reader want to know more and continue reading. Good job!
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a roman statue.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you changed "bone" to "roman statue" illustrates the immobility of the person who is described. It also adds a certain nobility and prestige to the person that we can easily picture with a goddess-like face. She is now pictured with well proportioned features and this adds harmony to the description. Moreover your choice is coherent with the rest of the sentence because a roman statue is usually white, just like her face is described before. Therefore the comparison to the roman statue reinforces the whiteness and the paleness of this person.
DeleteI like the fact that how you changed it made the sentence become a positive one . The woman described seems to be goddess-like. I like the idea of something very elegant and delicate compare to the "bone" in the original sentence. It gives the impression of a very strong and at the same time very delicate person ( with the color white). It seems like the speaker is full of admiration for the woman describes which was not the case in the first sentence .
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like marble
ReplyDeleteWith the word "marble", I think it is not the physical aspect of the girl who is described here but more her temper at the moment. "Marble" makes me think of somebody who is cold, distant and who doesn't share nor show her feelings. Moreover, it can connote the idea of her being unpleasant and not open-minded, withdrawn into her own world.
DeleteI really like the word that you used! Marble is by definition a noble material, therefore the woman suddenly appears really precious, really important to the author. Marble represents this elegant and sophisticated coldness that creates an obvious contrast with the warmth of the candle. It's a really interesting choice!
DeleteHier face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a nun.
ReplyDeleteHere you manage to give us the feeling of being in convent, somewhere away from the crowd, lighten by candlelight. We can really picture the nun, in her black and white dress, with a facial expression as severe as her clothes. I can easily imagine this nun in front of me, talking seriously in a dark room where the only light is exuding from the candle. The pale color of her face might also come from her retirement in the convent where she focuses on religious questions in a dark cloister
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like ice.
ReplyDeleteThe use of ice instead of bone changes the sense of the sentence. Indeed, comparing a white face to bone created a death related atmosphere, as if the face was becoming a skull. The use of the word ice removes this association to death, but still remains coherent with the rest of the sentence. Indeed, ice is sharp but also reflects the light. Moreover, ice is cold and very compact. We can therefore visualise a severe, fierce looking face of a cold hearted-person. By changing only one word, you have changed the meaning of the sentence, passing from a death like atmosphere to a threatening one.
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like glass
ReplyDeleteThe use of 'glass' gives another aspect to the sentence. Indeed, 'bone' makes us think of something pretty harsh, hard and maybe also a sense of experience, as if the person has been through a lot. Here, with the glass (which is the first word I thought about too), we have an idea of transparence, invisibility: light passes through the face without reflecting, it may be a bit ghost-like. Plus, glass can also be associated with something sharp, threatening and cold, maybe something empty as well. I like the atmosphere created which is gloomy and empty. Therefore, you've changed the aspect of the face to the reader by changing only one word.
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ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like salt.
ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like crisp snow.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your use of 'crisp snow' in the place of 'bone', as I feel that 'bone' creates a slightly deathly or sickly atmosphere in the sentence, whereas here 'crisp snow' makes it seem fresher, almost more alive. At the same time - since snow is related to coldness - it could also give an impression of her facial expression being cold.
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ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like cocaine.
ReplyDeleteYour sentence definitely made me chuckle. The use of the word "cocaine" definitely changes the entire meaning of the sentence. It is a surprising use of vocabulary, the reader isn't expecting it and it therefore creates interest in the reader.
DeleteThe fact that cocaine is a hard drug gives the reader the impression that this girl is the narrator's "drug", he/she is addicted to her/her general appearance. However it doesn't neccesarily seem like a good addiction, which the narrator must realise and so this explains his choosing of this particular drug.
The colour of this drug also renforces the paleness of this girl.
Furthermore, the negative adjective "sharp" may reflect the use of this drug and therefore the narrator's feelings for this girl: the initial high, followed by the fast plunge back into reality and then the withdrawal.
It is an extremely strong and effective choice of words, I really like it. Well done ;)
Her face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a snowflake.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your choice of word. Indeed, snowflakes are usually seen as soft and light but here, you use it to describe the "white and sharp" "face" of the women. The word "snowflake is also very interesting as it convey the idea of translucence; as if she was nearly invisible. To emphasise this idea, a snowflake is tiny. We could like this to the little amount of space she might take in people's hearts and lives. You choice of word let us really guess how other people see her. Well done !
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like china debris
ReplyDeleteThe comparison here gives off a less morbid feeling than the original one but it is still quite somber, according to me.
DeleteChina is a beautiful precious type of ceramic but here, you compare her face to shattered china, as if the woman's beauty or inner self had been broken by life or someone. The comparison allows us to create our own interpretation of the story, create its past and just like with the word "bone", predict a foreshadowing. As the reader digs deeper, (s)he grows attached to the character and feels concerned. Well done :)
Her face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like an airplane wing
ReplyDeleteI think this comparison really is interesting because I can't really imagine someone looking like an airplane wing... I think the meaning is powerful though, because for me airplane means travelling and looking at someone at thinking about travelling can mean a lot : you want to travel with that person, you want to leave that person, that person is exotic and interesting like a trip... Anyways, I'd like to hear more about that ! :)
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a diamond.
ReplyDeleteI really like your substitution : the word "diamond" fits the sentence really, well, since diamonds are usually sharp and transparent, but seem white when light is reflected on them. you were very succesful in finding the appropriate term ! what's more, it creates a feeling that the girl is indispensable to the narrator : she is precious to him and we feel a lot of affection for her. You have made the sentence become very romantic indeed.
DeleteI totally agree with Caroline, you really succeeded in changing the meaning of the sentence. I was imagining a very cold and distant girl but the world "diamond" made her way more fragile and precious. She seems now very unique; a bit a like a piece of art. I also agree on the fact that it creates a romantic meaning to the sentence. I had no trouble imagining a sparkling and almost dazzling girl: as if her beauty was something very rare and priceless and therefore needed to be cherished and protected.
Delete"Her face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a drop of breast milk"
ReplyDeleteThis is a very particular choice of words and it struck me because of its originality. Indeed a "drop of breast milk" is rarely described as being "sharp and slightly gleaming" and even less often used to describe someones skin tone! However it suggests that the girl has sharp traits but still a soothing and reassuring face. Also the reference to motherly features such as breast milk could suggest the type of love and affection the narrator bears for the girl described ; a very strong love in which you find comfort, where you feel safe and protected.
DeleteGood idea!
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a petal
ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a pearl.
ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like an opal.
ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a porcelain doll.
ReplyDeleteThis comment is one of my favorite for several reasons. First of all because the use of "porcelain doll" instead of "bone" changes effectively the meaning and feeling of the original sentence. Indeed the simile shifts from something quite harsh and hard to something more delicate and fragile. "Porcelain doll" gives information about color as well as texture and frailty. We get this impression that the face could easily shatter, while the use of "bone" made it seem strong. Porcelain makes the face more precious and worthy compared to the bone. Good job, Gary.
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like stalactites.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your comparison for different reasons. The first one is the link you made between ice and the fire of the candlelight. It shows a contrast making the face even more cold and threatening. Secondly, the stalactites give me an idea of danger, since its is pointy and can cause severe wounds when falling. It gives me an idea of movement that I found interesting as compared with the original comparison with bones that I found much more static. The image I get is the one of a dark person planing to do evil with the little flame reflecting in his eyes and I find it really evocative and different from the original version.
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like the moon.
ReplyDeleteThe noun « moon » fits perfectly for this sentence and changes the connotation of it. We can have this image of the face of the woman lightened by the candlelight creating a halo around her just like the moon does. Moreover, there is a feeling of delicacy with the fact that her face, like the moon is « slightly gleaming », giving absolutely no sense of brutality but finesse. This may insinuate that the person is benevolent, the same way the personnified moon is looking after us. Nevertheless at the same time, her face is sharp, maybe creating a distance between she and the reader or the people that might surround her, just like the distance between the earth and the moon.
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like the blade of a knife.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the comparison with the blade: the few words here create a whole somber atmosphere. We immediatly have the idea that something dark is going to happen... The blade refers to a will of fight, of defending oneself against enemies or circumstances, but the knife recalls more an idea of betrayal, of a stab in the back. We definitely want to read more and discover if (and how) it is a foreshadowing. So well done !
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DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like diamond.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read the sentence with the word "bone" I found it quite sinister and I flelt like it didn't give a very pleasant image of this girl. However, through the use of the word "diamond" you have changed the meaning of it in an impressive way. Diamonds are precious and this makes the girl seem much more beautiful than she originally did, partly because of the way diamonds usually diffract light. I also feel like this could reveal a lot about this girl's personality because a diamond has many facets, making her mysterious, but it also shines when enlightened, which could show a sparkly kind of personality.
DeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like alabaster high relief.
ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like a fragile snowflake.
ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like marble.
ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like its own ceramic candle jar.
ReplyDeleteHer face was white and sharp and slightly gleaming in the candlelight, like the moon in a dark night
ReplyDelete